So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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