If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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