Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
