I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
honey bunches of taint.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
