if you like me you must not know who I am
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize