Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
