I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
