so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize