do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
