party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
