Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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