God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
someone owes me an orgasm
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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