The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
