upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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