Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
