my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
