I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
