We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
