it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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