Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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