The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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