It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
