Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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