I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
