I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize