Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
