its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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