Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize