You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
did i just pee glitter
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
