I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
