obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
