We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
this is an emotional support booty call
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
