I can't watch pbs sober anymore
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sarcasm needs its own font
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
