YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
