woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
