Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
