he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
