then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
