You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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