if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i now understand why vodka
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize