You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
