so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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