thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
