I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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