weddingsv make me drug and hornr
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
