K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize