how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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