I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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