I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
