ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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