Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen

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(773): View more from Illinois

I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.

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(360): View more from Washington

I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties

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(815): View more from Illinois

i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.

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(903): View more from Texas

I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?

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(250): View more from British Columbia

How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?

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(518): View more from New York

Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line

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(706): View more from Georgia

He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.

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