Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
