My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize