I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
