So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
