that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
