So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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