I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
