she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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