Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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