Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
