Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
