Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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