i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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