come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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