And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
