watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
