Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize